YEP: THERE YOU ARE SITTING AT THE COMPUTER AGAIN!
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Saturday, July 30, 2005
THE BIG BIRD - CHECKING ON YOU
HEY, JUST CHECKING UP ON YOU:
YEP: THERE YOU ARE SITTING AT THE COMPUTER AGAIN!
YEP: THERE YOU ARE SITTING AT THE COMPUTER AGAIN!
AN ATTORNEY'S KIND OF DAY
Mood: mischievious
An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he got through the door at home his wife started on him about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub ... pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath the phone rang, which the wife answered and was told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all.
Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs to give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear end as he was bent over naked drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
He whirled around and screamed , "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP!?"
An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he got through the door at home his wife started on him about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub ... pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath the phone rang, which the wife answered and was told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all.
Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs to give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear end as he was bent over naked drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
He whirled around and screamed , "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP!?"
IT PAYS TO BE A PILOT
How True, How True!!!
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies, "I'm Joey Shasta, retired pilot, of Pittsburg PA."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom." The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.
Next it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept. When he flew, people prayed."
AMEN BROTHER!!!.
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies, "I'm Joey Shasta, retired pilot, of Pittsburg PA."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom." The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.
Next it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept. When he flew, people prayed."
AMEN BROTHER!!!.
GREAT CHRISTIAN ONE LINERS
GREAT CHRISTIAN ONE LINERS
Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited - until you try to sit in their pews.
Many folks want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity.
It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
Quit griping about your church; if it were perfect, you couldn't belong.
The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience: " And in conclusion.. "
If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
To make a long story short, don't tell it.
Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
Peace starts with a smile.
I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?
A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.
We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
Outside of traffic, there is nothing that holds this country back as much as committees.
Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
He who angers you, controls you!
If God is your Copilot - swap seats!
Prayer: Don't give God instructions - just report for duty.
The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
We don't change the message, the message changes us.
You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
"Father, bless the person reading this in whatever it is that, You know he or she may be needing this day! "
When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.
Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited - until you try to sit in their pews.
Many folks want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity.
It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
Quit griping about your church; if it were perfect, you couldn't belong.
The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience: " And in conclusion.. "
If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
To make a long story short, don't tell it.
Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
Peace starts with a smile.
I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?
A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.
We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
Outside of traffic, there is nothing that holds this country back as much as committees.
Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
He who angers you, controls you!
If God is your Copilot - swap seats!
Prayer: Don't give God instructions - just report for duty.
The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
We don't change the message, the message changes us.
You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
"Father, bless the person reading this in whatever it is that, You know he or she may be needing this day! "
When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.
EXAMPLE OF VOTERS IN THIS COUNTRY !!!
Mood: sad
We're in more trouble than I imagined!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up very morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, (and has for some time), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff.". . . . . She also votes!
I used to work in technical support for a 24x7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific." . . . . . He also votes!.
So my colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the admin. assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving." . . . . . . She also votes!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seatbelt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk. . . . . . My sister also votes!
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount. . . .. . He also votes!
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned. My friend also votes!
My girlfriend and I were picking up some sandwiches from the sub place last week and she asked the clerk which of two sandwiches was better. The clerk didn't have an opinion but did say that the first sandwich was more expensive. My girlfriend got a quizzical look on her face and asked, "If that's the case, why are they both listed with the same price on the menu?" To this, the clerk responded, "I don't think we add tax to the turkey." The clerk also votes!
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?".
She also votes!
We're in more trouble than I imagined!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up very morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, (and has for some time), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff.". . . . . She also votes!
I used to work in technical support for a 24x7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific." . . . . . He also votes!.
So my colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the admin. assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving." . . . . . . She also votes!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seatbelt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk. . . . . . My sister also votes!
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount. . . .. . He also votes!
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned. My friend also votes!
My girlfriend and I were picking up some sandwiches from the sub place last week and she asked the clerk which of two sandwiches was better. The clerk didn't have an opinion but did say that the first sandwich was more expensive. My girlfriend got a quizzical look on her face and asked, "If that's the case, why are they both listed with the same price on the menu?" To this, the clerk responded, "I don't think we add tax to the turkey." The clerk also votes!
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?".
She also votes!
Thursday, July 28, 2005
TEST FOR UPLOADING PICTURES OR IMAGES
THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL SCENE OF A SUNSET.
This was a test for uploading a picture, using the new procedure that Google has put in place within their software. No need for the old "Picasa and Hello software anymore".
What an improvement over the old versions of Picasa and Hello.
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